Depression sucks. It doesnt hurt me but it sure messes up my life. Just because I can identify that I am feeling blue does't mean I can shake it, turn my frown upside down and be my "old self" again. However, because I can identify that I am feeling blue means that I can try harder to fix my thoughts, to be proactive and not let the depression win. So today I ate, tried to laugh and did my best to remove myself from sadness/let it happen and MOVE ON. If I let it win, if I sit and wallow in depression I end up falling into old habits. I was miserable back then. Here's hoping being proactive is the way to go!

Waiting part 2

Wait be patient be still pause rest. Rest assured that I have a plan. Stay. Stay here where I need you to be. abide expect. Expect that the promises I have made for you will come to fruition hold on remain save it. Save those emotions, that love. There IS something in the future. watch stick around. Stick around...watch what happens next! lie in wait anticipate. My plans are HUGE. Far larger than the ones you desire. Anticipate the bigger picture. Did you know that in Hebrew and Spanish, the word for wait is the same? (Spanish is espera)

Waiting.

There are many things I have been praying for. So many things my heart desires and I have asked...and quite literally BEGGED...God for.
I have a problem with desiring instant gratification.
I want to know the future now
I would like to know what Gods plans for me are
I want to have someone to love, and to love me in return

I want. I have. I. I. I. What a selfish, unthankful girl that I seem to be from all that! But thats not what I intended to write.

God told me to wait this weekend. Thats it. Wait.
Simple huh?
Did you read everything that I just wrote? Thats CLEARLY the opposite of simple to me. I REALLY had a hard time accepting that Saturday. It put me in a mood. It made me cry. And then I got to worship

Oh Im running to your arms, Im running to your arms. The riches of your love will always be enough. Nothing compares to your embrace. Light of the world forever reign!


Wait for the Lord whose day is near. Wait for the Lord. Be strong, take heart.

Whom you love, I'll love. Who you serve I'll serve in this life I live I will follow you!

After a night of worship like we had, I couldn't help but know that God was the absolute truth and that in the word "wait" was a promise.

Oh daughter, wait. Wait and do not hurry this gift of today. Tomorrows troubles will be numerous, don't rush them. Wait here where I have put you. There is a future for you. But here is where you need to stay. When the time is right. Until then, rest, pause, be content and wait. I never forget a promise.

I really wish the title of this post could be "Always a Bridesmaid, never the bride" but I just don't feel that way! I am so happy for friends who get engaged its crazy!
This weekend, I found out my lifelong friends Kristen and Jonathan got engaged. Those stinkers kept it to themselves for a whole WEEK! Kristen, sweet girl that she is, has asked me to be a bridesmaid! How exciting!

Cue the diet thoughts.
Cue the OBSESSIVE diet thoughts,

I have 279 days until their wedding. aka just over 39 weeks. Im setting some HIGH goals here and going for 1 pound a week. This is no joke. Ive already begun "better" habits simply for health reasons. Now I have a HUGE motivator-dont be the incredibly obese bridesmaid.

I love goals. I love making them. I SUCK at keeping up with them. Hopefully I can change this into a habit.

here goes

Well, October happened and I didnt Blog.
And the world didnt end haahaha!
But its November now. To some, its no-shave november, to others its Movember (in honor of Mens Health month). For me its Challenge Month.
Ive decided to challenge myself to a few things
1. Post a "thankful" post to facebook everyday
2. Do this really short workout everyday (in addition to walking with Bob)
3. Drastically cut down on how much fast food I eat each week (2x or less)
3. Drastically cut down on how many cokes I drink each week (3 or less)
4. Finally get my room clean. I've honestly been giving this a half-effort since September but its hard to keep up with. I also can see hoarder tendencies in the way/fact that Im NOT cleaning so this MUST end. And soon.

So these are my goals. Maybe they are pre-resolutions. Thats ok. Why wait for the new year?

Started a book study with the HS girls about praying for their future husbands, praying for themselves while doing it. So excited to share the book with them as it encourages their prayer lives.
I have been so content being single, feeling blessed by the freedom it has allowed me lately in my work and in my free time
but today
today
today, all i want is a date to see The Lion King.

Do I have anyone special in mind? No, God hasn't shown me anyone yet. But I had to tell someone and this venue seemed to be the best...no only way to share it.

Really, I need an excuse to get all dolled up and be pretty for me...not someone else! ME!

Being single is frustrating! Oh my.

My other Best Friends Wedding

Lets just start by stating that a girl can have (and needs) more than on best friend. Im pretty sure I have 5...though we havent ever sealed it by getting "Best Friends Forever" necklaces that break in half and remind us of each other. I think they are wonderfully cheesy tho hahaha!

Last year, I was maid of honor to my college roommate. Classic best friend story yeah? It was great fun and a memory of that will be in my heart always.

This past weekend, I was there for my oldest friends wedding. She didnt have a wedding party (in classic Mandy "i dont do things like Americans do" fashion) but did surround herself with her friends. I was honored this weekend to be among them and have a hand in the ceremony (close friends walked the aisle, prayed with them during the ceremony and I was in charge of the train!). The intimacy of this ceremony was like none I had ever seen or been a part of. It was beautiful and classy and unique. Perfect.

But there were many moments that made me think. Mostly about the traditional "Mother of the Bride" jobs. I know Im not one to speak on typical family roles, I'll be the first to admit that I'm not as close to my family as I would like to be...but that its my fault as much as theirs, however there are some VERY important things I want my mom to be involved in as/if my life got to the part where I get married.

1. Dress Shopping
2. the rehearsal
3. getting ready
4. changing into the "get away" dress

I also know that she will make me crazy in all of that. ALL of it. Its who she is, its our relationship. Its what I expect. And thats ok. But it is my desire to have all of that. And until then, to grow our relationship. Because I love my friends. They are the family i chose. But the family I grew up with, the one I was born into....they deserve work too.