27 July, 2010

I hate Texas

or rather, I hate the schools in Texas and the opportunities they have presented 3 of my best friends. If you've been reading this blog lately, then you know some of the struggle I have had with making new, Christ-centered relationships and with finding my place at my current church home. Well, by the end of August those built-in friends I have been leaning on so much will be gone. I cannot tell you in words just how much my heart hurts right now.

Clearly Texas is to blame for my loss of friends.

I know Im crazy, but you knew it too...the moment you met me ha!

Im trying very, very hard to understand/wait and see what God has in store for this time of my life. I feel so very alone and abandoned. Left behind in life in so many more ways than continuing education. I know in my heart that I am simply the opposite, that I have an amazing father who wants to be there for me but my head and my fear of seeing movies alone don't get that.

I have recently made some steps into further bettering myself for the kingdom. Man that sounds stiff and stodgy right? Well, thats not at all my goal! A friend and I have made twitter commitments (legit, I know) to reading the Bible cover to cover this school year. Its amazing how, when you make a "God" decision, things fall into place, encouragement comes from all over and you just get really excited about it! Well, thats what's happened with me. Lately our lessons in church have been about Bible study. How it is our responsibility and no one else's (good for me to hear) and I swear it was truly a lesson that spoke to me heart! Later that sunday, I went to our college groups sunday worship time (called Encounter) here we talked about how God gives us warning signs about things in our lives and how to identify them before we mess up big time. Oh man, did that ever speak to me! There was (and still is) something I've been getting warning signs about but didn't have the courage to speak to anyone about until then. What a load that was taken off of my shoulders when I was able to admit my sin to someone else. Doesn't mean one bit that I'm not still struggling with it but advice was given and well received and I hope that it will be something I can put behind me! Its funny, I wasn't planning on going to that worship service that night.......

Sometimes, when Im down I have to really focus on all of the amazing things God is doing in my life. It really is something that lifts the spirits!

11 July, 2010

This weekend I was honored to be a part of my best friends wedding. Its funny how a day many wish for for years comes and how much preparation is put into making the first day of a new life for a couple so very special! and then how quickly that day is over.
The ceremony was beautiful, the reception a blast and Miller did Mr. Roboto with us! We clearly had the time of our lives! Michelle and I joked that we would see each other again when the next wedding rolled around.....a joke but its a testament to how this events brings people together!
As I watched my best friend tell her now husband Kenny how much she loved him and how she would dedicate her life to his goals and being his, and he did the same, I couldn't help but wonder if Ill ever get the chance to say those things in front of the people I love. I suppose it doesn't matter as long as I get to do Gods work in His kingdom, but a girl can dream right?
Naturally, no sooner am I home but I get a text inviting me to help out at a wedding thats in less than a month! Wow! Its smaller and directed more at her family and close friends but its amazing how many people near to my age are getting married! I feel like I am barely an adult, terrified of this great big new work-demanding world and people are not only jumping into that life but jumping into it and with a whole new person! Wow! God bless the marriages this summer, let them have joy in prosperity and patience in perseverance. Let them love always and know that you are there for them!