27 July, 2010

I hate Texas

or rather, I hate the schools in Texas and the opportunities they have presented 3 of my best friends. If you've been reading this blog lately, then you know some of the struggle I have had with making new, Christ-centered relationships and with finding my place at my current church home. Well, by the end of August those built-in friends I have been leaning on so much will be gone. I cannot tell you in words just how much my heart hurts right now.

Clearly Texas is to blame for my loss of friends.

I know Im crazy, but you knew it too...the moment you met me ha!

Im trying very, very hard to understand/wait and see what God has in store for this time of my life. I feel so very alone and abandoned. Left behind in life in so many more ways than continuing education. I know in my heart that I am simply the opposite, that I have an amazing father who wants to be there for me but my head and my fear of seeing movies alone don't get that.

I have recently made some steps into further bettering myself for the kingdom. Man that sounds stiff and stodgy right? Well, thats not at all my goal! A friend and I have made twitter commitments (legit, I know) to reading the Bible cover to cover this school year. Its amazing how, when you make a "God" decision, things fall into place, encouragement comes from all over and you just get really excited about it! Well, thats what's happened with me. Lately our lessons in church have been about Bible study. How it is our responsibility and no one else's (good for me to hear) and I swear it was truly a lesson that spoke to me heart! Later that sunday, I went to our college groups sunday worship time (called Encounter) here we talked about how God gives us warning signs about things in our lives and how to identify them before we mess up big time. Oh man, did that ever speak to me! There was (and still is) something I've been getting warning signs about but didn't have the courage to speak to anyone about until then. What a load that was taken off of my shoulders when I was able to admit my sin to someone else. Doesn't mean one bit that I'm not still struggling with it but advice was given and well received and I hope that it will be something I can put behind me! Its funny, I wasn't planning on going to that worship service that night.......

Sometimes, when Im down I have to really focus on all of the amazing things God is doing in my life. It really is something that lifts the spirits!

1 comment:

  1. courtney, you are a great person, who like all of us struggle, but you are always there to admit the struggle and to (at some extent or another) be working to over come it. whether its as little as knowing its a struggle and be aware, or what you are doing now with reading the bible front the back and actively working toward a better relationship with god. you are an inspiration and i love/miss you :-)