Today, I decided to write Ben a card/letter that will actually get sent to him in the mail. I have written him at least one letter for every week since it happened but I haven't been able to send any. Some letters were angry. Some were sympathetic. Some were about my day.
I haven't been able to send any of them yet because I can't rationalize the things I want to say. I don't know how to make what I say significant. What happened has made me see so many things in a whole new way and given me nightmares at the same time. I cannot fathom his hurt, his pain his shame and I hurt for him.
I just wish I could call him and let him know I care.

I do so truly wish that I had the ability to properly express what I feel to others and in proper language that is neither vulgar or profane. However, since I am severely lacking in this area of my life, I leave you with the childlike gibberish that comes from banging on ones keyboard to express frustration, stress and, the utmost of feminine emotion, the desire to cry ones eyes out and be hugged while doing so.

aerngblmnlksuy4b k;lalaejwymvbrw gnaekjgahaekksng,abhnrshwbhyp89aeh b;opang,GUIOY JAEOIYUPWONLAIHSEIUEYTNYLBltja;;hehgkjrngayuBYRJHN4HP892Y360-I458U2TNQEIOPTI NQOIBMR HNM,ASFKAW
wj;tiagelghluweuj kaehnovyengrilehg oj lkae vg,admuvgeaumjgvhk kfb vsgvhgasvbgvjbfgcw.sgbleorjganewjfkag ew ih.jaeoiy;/YILKJGALBAIOGYALKEMTKuoJEGMN,AH;LGBJKHSRGKWHFUJKSDNGL/DHGIOENHKEBGLIOKDRKJGNWKGNAIEJGJKEAHGKSBG;MERKGHAS FDGKLjkerjgijengiea;tnebohegeiug;lejgiaormgnjkaev h tngkl/gldeejopeoeopyjejp[owjophj[h

Have a wonderful day.

So....I may or may not have a crush on my chapel buddy. Then I told him I would make him cupcakes for his birthday.
Who am I? I NEVER do things like that.....and I cant believe I am doing "stupid girl things" like this. Im like 13
Great