holding back
holding in
holding up
holding down

Walking Away

If I left
Who would miss me? clearly not them, im not worth the thought
Its not terribly drastic, just a jump on my career.
What I want to do will not require a degree, it will not matter in the long run


I have a lot to think about this summer

I told myself I wasn't gonna blog about it, so I'm not.
But its hard not be be frustrated.

there are words my soul screams aloud but my mouth will not utter

A simple prayer

Dear God,
I missed your beautiful sunshiney day but I'm glad it was there to make my friends happy.
However, I would like to never ever ever have a migraine again. Ever....did I say that?
Bless my friends, I love them so much.
Also, could you make sure the laundry room is free tonight?
I love you!
In Jesus' name,
Amen

you know what
praying is good for you
so is reading the Bible.
something in you shifts and i like the shift.

there is a lot of hurt im ready to give to God

Hot Tub Confessional

I know, what an odd title. But the time we spent in the hot tub was some of the best on the whole trip! (I say we because few others read this, so I've decided to be inclusive today)
We asked questions and answered truthfully. Some were cute, some were embarassing, some helped us get to know each other just that much better. I absolutely loved that, it meant no means a lot to me that we were able to share our thoughts so openly with each other.
My last question was "How is your relationship with God?". I asked because I didn't know. We are at a Christian school and call ourselves such but generally we don't know how each others spiritual lives are doing which is something I have always been saddened about.
I have to admit, I lied. I said that I am angry with God...which is true but becuase of that, I do talk to Him more. I let him know what happened that day and am doing my best to learn how to rely on him more and more. I know that is key to openeing up and doing so much more for him with my life. I also know that prayer alone won't help a thing if it isn't backed up by reading scripture. I love to read just never the right book. I need to discipline myself to reading everyday, past attempts have failed simply because of my lack of discipline. Not this time.

I just don't know if I'm ready for what happens when I finally listen.

So we are on Spring Break!
And it has been a week of stay up late sleep in, eat one meal and then who knows?
Which is fun
but ive been sick....which makes me lame
and i have this paranoia that makes me feel left out.....which makes me lame
oh well.

When my patience with others begins to wane I can usually recognize it after a couple of seconds of thinking "SERIOULSY?!?!?!?!".
Sometimes, I just smile and nod and tune out whatever was going on

and Sometimes, I act like a jerk to make them shutup and get my way.

today has been a version of that second option.

oh well