tomorrow i will be twenty one.

i feel as if i should not care
i want to

i wish i could look back on the past twenty years and be happy. maybe tomorrow. right now there is just so much to talk about and no one to tell. its so hard.

i need to let myself cry. why is that so hard, why on earth do i feel the need to keep everything closed up inside even from myself. life is easy when i dont need things from other people. if i could stop doing that i could sever ties and feelings and be ok.