tomorrow i will be twenty one.

i feel as if i should not care
i want to

i wish i could look back on the past twenty years and be happy. maybe tomorrow. right now there is just so much to talk about and no one to tell. its so hard.

i need to let myself cry. why is that so hard, why on earth do i feel the need to keep everything closed up inside even from myself. life is easy when i dont need things from other people. if i could stop doing that i could sever ties and feelings and be ok.

The effects of being alone all day long

I have to learn to love myself
but find it easier to make a list of things I hate about me.


I got a new license today.....im actually legally driving right now! Well not at this second, but you know what I mean.
I can't wait to go back to school! I will be taking French, Medieval European History, Acting Style, Christ and Culture, American Government (what better time to do so?) and...... Weight Training. Oh and this will be my final section of 222 that I have to take. I am a SENIOR in COLLEGE. I know I end up saying this a whole lot but I never expected this and really don't know what to do when I get out of school. I don't know where to go, where to look to go. Nothing. I almost feel like taking time off to figure out things. Go to NYC or back to Europe and just be for a while, anything to put off being an adult.

I would like to paint my room....