01 March, 2011

Marching on

I didn't blog in February. I tried to. I wrote lots of things then I would leave the page because nothing was going anywhere. It seemed so pointless. Plus, so much happened. I cannot possibly begin to expound upon that but lets just say that my imaginary readers are lucky that I didnt whine about Valentines day, my new job or rising gas prices.

In just 6 short months, I will be 24. 24.....ummm what? Thats no longer "early twenties" thats well on the way to "mid-twenties". Ummmm seriously? I cannot possibly be nearing mid twenties because people in their mid twenties know what they want to do with their lives. They have life goals, 5 year plans, spouses...sometimes even children. Me? Im perfectly content with saying "Im here for now because God said stay. I know He wants more from me one day and Im biding my time until He says go". But even people at church look at me funny when I say that. My parents are good about it though, still very supportive. However there is a part of me that is saying "What kind of terrible, lazy daughter are you to not go get a job that pays back all your student loans by the time youre 26 and then you can pay back your parents for everything, save money and be able to give freely?". That part of me is easily silenced with the part of me that likes to be crafty (because shes louder than analytical Courtney) but she is still there, naggingly perfect in her work suit and low-heeled practical shoes, representing so many people who need me to be more and can't find it in themselves to trust with me that God has a bigger plan than we can see. So im marching on. Continuing each day praying that I am doing the right things while God shows me that I am. While he shows me that being trusted can be overwhelming because I cannot solve anything without His help and guidance. While he shows me that working CAN be fun, you ought to enjoy what you do and that whatever people say about what you ought to do-it doesnt matter as long as you LISTEN to what God says "here is what I want you to do"

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