Today,no, this entire week really has been HARD. I feel as if I have bounced from one situation to another and I've still got tons floating around in my head.

Today though was especially prickly. I found out that I could get a life-altering disease. Now, Im not one to care in the long run what I put in my body. I've tried dozens of ways, albeit half-heartedly, to lose the weight I carry and nothing I ever try seems to stick. I can be gung-ho about trying something new and put effort in for a few days but after a while, when no one is watching or caring about my effort, I stop. I honestly don't think Im worth that effort. I figured, yes carrying extra weight hinders me from some things but generally, I overcome it. Dance? Check....Theatre? Check....Making Friends? Check. Seriously, I never thought it could come to this. But it has. My health is deteriorating. The medical family history I have is atrocious and I seem to have gotten every preventable disease we have ever had.
Suffice it to say, Im sick. Im sick and I am going to put forth the effort to fix it. No one is is responsible for me. I deserve to be healthy & happy don't I? Well, a small part of me thinks yes is being the answer (name that movie) and Dammit Janet (now name THAT one) I will. To be quite frank, I haven't told my parents yet. I think I am avoiding the inevitable barrage of questions I will receive and cannot answer beyond "thats what the doctor said" and "my appointment is thursday to talk and sort everything out until then, I'm doing my best to stay away from sugar and work out more". But I have told close friends. Their encouragement and willingness to be a good friend by "being there when needed" is overwhelmingly amazing! Its in the things you may think are little that God shows me He is still here in the terrible storm that I am going through. Which is an amazing feat in itself for me, the realization that God is still with me. But that folks is another story for another post. Today I just wanted to say Ill be blogging about this. Even though the number of consistent readers I have is FEW ( I know of....one haha) Its a way for me to keep myself accountable to my mantra

"I DESERVE to be healthy! Le Chaim!"
(thats right, I threw in a Fiddler quote! I could string together an amazing b'way mantra but not now :)



i deserve this