So my stomach is revolting against me :( its pretty sad, i am not supposed to eat tons of things to help move everything along its just taking its own sweet time...lame!
I am seeing, i am trying and i am learning. some days are better than others but i am taking it one step at a time. im being encouraged by the smallest things.
i would like to go on a mission trip.....wanna come with me?
20 September, 2008
17 September, 2008
Revelations #1
Lay your burdens down, every care you carry
And come to the table of grace for there is mercy
Come just as you are, we are all unworthy
To enter the presence of God, for He is holy
(Chorus)
Lift up your heart, lift up your hands
Fall on your knees and pray.
For the King of Kings and the love He brings
Is here in this place.
We raise our voices, raise our song.
We offer Him our praise.
For the King of Kings and the joy He brings
Is here, He is here in this place
Love.
Its something I have been searching for for a very long time now.
I've finally found it.
21 years of hurt turmoil and confusion seem awfully frustrating now, especially since "Love Hurts"
But unless you have truly felt unloved, convinced yourself that it was an impossible task you won't understand what I am saying.
Today I was content. The day was beautiful and I wore a new shirt. And all I could think about was this moment of love. Every moment brought up a new memory. I think I laughed more, I felt more like myself today.
And it was good.
On a side note, I feel as if I am being called to go on a mission trip.......and called to encourage someone. But with where I am right now with God, so unsure of my footing it seems so odd that this is so clear. But it is!
And come to the table of grace for there is mercy
Come just as you are, we are all unworthy
To enter the presence of God, for He is holy
(Chorus)
Lift up your heart, lift up your hands
Fall on your knees and pray.
For the King of Kings and the love He brings
Is here in this place.
We raise our voices, raise our song.
We offer Him our praise.
For the King of Kings and the joy He brings
Is here, He is here in this place
Love.
Its something I have been searching for for a very long time now.
I've finally found it.
21 years of hurt turmoil and confusion seem awfully frustrating now, especially since "Love Hurts"
But unless you have truly felt unloved, convinced yourself that it was an impossible task you won't understand what I am saying.
Today I was content. The day was beautiful and I wore a new shirt. And all I could think about was this moment of love. Every moment brought up a new memory. I think I laughed more, I felt more like myself today.
And it was good.
On a side note, I feel as if I am being called to go on a mission trip.......and called to encourage someone. But with where I am right now with God, so unsure of my footing it seems so odd that this is so clear. But it is!
14 September, 2008
So my posts have been really odd lately.
and im sorry for that.
Lets see, an actual update?
Well, tomorrow starts the fourth week of school! I am really enjoying all of my classes so far. I have Medieval European History, which is sometimes over my head, French 101 which is really fun and entertaining although all those years of Spanish are haunting me, its hard to leave one language behind for another that is so similar. I am also taking American Government. I thought it would be a really good time to take it and I LOVE the teacher. She is really passionate about the subject and it shows. My non MWF classes (read tues-thurs) are Christ and Culture, a discussion class at 730, with all that entails, Swimming (the activities class component of gym-ness) and 222 (will work for free), So you see, this could possibly be a straight-A semester for me! I am also working at least 2 hours 6 days a week! I work in the costume shop and its great!
Today was an odd day, I woke up and it was oddly hot in my room, i went to the bathroom, flipped the switch and nothing happened! See, last night we had a HUGE storm (the after-effects of Ike) and a huge transformer fell over cutting off the electricity to all of the girl dorms and some of the guys. Getting ready for church this morning was special. Anyway, today has been a really long day because I haven't had much to do at all! I went to auditions for Spring Sing Host and Hostess tonight, O man, they have a HARD decision in front of them, everyone did really well. Then I chilled in Ambers room for a bit and now im back. I ought to read for Bible.....maybe later, we shall see.
I got to talk to Michelle today! I havent talked to her since she returned from the states but it was good to catch up, I hope she can visit soon!
So, my one complaint for this post- I never see my best friend anymore and Im tired of staying up past curfew (and my bedtime) to be able to talk. And yes, I just said it online!
Mostly b/c no one really reads this thing anymore.
"Doing what you like is Freedom. Liking what you do is Happiness"
and im sorry for that.
Lets see, an actual update?
Well, tomorrow starts the fourth week of school! I am really enjoying all of my classes so far. I have Medieval European History, which is sometimes over my head, French 101 which is really fun and entertaining although all those years of Spanish are haunting me, its hard to leave one language behind for another that is so similar. I am also taking American Government. I thought it would be a really good time to take it and I LOVE the teacher. She is really passionate about the subject and it shows. My non MWF classes (read tues-thurs) are Christ and Culture, a discussion class at 730, with all that entails, Swimming (the activities class component of gym-ness) and 222 (will work for free), So you see, this could possibly be a straight-A semester for me! I am also working at least 2 hours 6 days a week! I work in the costume shop and its great!
Today was an odd day, I woke up and it was oddly hot in my room, i went to the bathroom, flipped the switch and nothing happened! See, last night we had a HUGE storm (the after-effects of Ike) and a huge transformer fell over cutting off the electricity to all of the girl dorms and some of the guys. Getting ready for church this morning was special. Anyway, today has been a really long day because I haven't had much to do at all! I went to auditions for Spring Sing Host and Hostess tonight, O man, they have a HARD decision in front of them, everyone did really well. Then I chilled in Ambers room for a bit and now im back. I ought to read for Bible.....maybe later, we shall see.
I got to talk to Michelle today! I havent talked to her since she returned from the states but it was good to catch up, I hope she can visit soon!
So, my one complaint for this post- I never see my best friend anymore and Im tired of staying up past curfew (and my bedtime) to be able to talk. And yes, I just said it online!
Mostly b/c no one really reads this thing anymore.
"Doing what you like is Freedom. Liking what you do is Happiness"
28 August, 2008
tomorrow i will be twenty one.
i feel as if i should not care
i want to
i wish i could look back on the past twenty years and be happy. maybe tomorrow. right now there is just so much to talk about and no one to tell. its so hard.
i need to let myself cry. why is that so hard, why on earth do i feel the need to keep everything closed up inside even from myself. life is easy when i dont need things from other people. if i could stop doing that i could sever ties and feelings and be ok.
i feel as if i should not care
i want to
i wish i could look back on the past twenty years and be happy. maybe tomorrow. right now there is just so much to talk about and no one to tell. its so hard.
i need to let myself cry. why is that so hard, why on earth do i feel the need to keep everything closed up inside even from myself. life is easy when i dont need things from other people. if i could stop doing that i could sever ties and feelings and be ok.
12 August, 2008
The effects of being alone all day long
I have to learn to love myself
but find it easier to make a list of things I hate about me.
I got a new license today.....im actually legally driving right now! Well not at this second, but you know what I mean.
I can't wait to go back to school! I will be taking French, Medieval European History, Acting Style, Christ and Culture, American Government (what better time to do so?) and...... Weight Training. Oh and this will be my final section of 222 that I have to take. I am a SENIOR in COLLEGE. I know I end up saying this a whole lot but I never expected this and really don't know what to do when I get out of school. I don't know where to go, where to look to go. Nothing. I almost feel like taking time off to figure out things. Go to NYC or back to Europe and just be for a while, anything to put off being an adult.
I would like to paint my room....
but find it easier to make a list of things I hate about me.
I got a new license today.....im actually legally driving right now! Well not at this second, but you know what I mean.
I can't wait to go back to school! I will be taking French, Medieval European History, Acting Style, Christ and Culture, American Government (what better time to do so?) and...... Weight Training. Oh and this will be my final section of 222 that I have to take. I am a SENIOR in COLLEGE. I know I end up saying this a whole lot but I never expected this and really don't know what to do when I get out of school. I don't know where to go, where to look to go. Nothing. I almost feel like taking time off to figure out things. Go to NYC or back to Europe and just be for a while, anything to put off being an adult.
I would like to paint my room....
27 July, 2008
sometimes it takes me quite a while to write on this thing, its summer and blogging life slows down just as real life presumably does. i have just been really very busy and havent had much to say.
however, today i do
arent you the luckiest!
the last two weeks, i have been in two classes instead of my usual one. At first during this session, i was only taking Statistics. then my friend susan, was afraid that the Bible class she enrolled in would get cancelled, so to make it look like people wanted to take it, i enrolled too. Also the more hours i can rack up before next Spring, the easier it will be to remove my residence from harding to somewhere....OFF CAMPUS! so you see i had completely selfish reasons for taking this class.
This class was on the book of Ephesians.....which was also the basis of CSA first session this year. I think its haunting me......
ANYWAY, however excited i was to be taking just one more hour, i was excited to learn, it is indeed something i enjoy. this book had so much for me to learn, and has helped me understand so much more than that! i truly enjoyed taking this calss and all of the insights it offered. it was wonderful, i hope that other Bible courses I take will be just as "worth it"
however, today i do
arent you the luckiest!
the last two weeks, i have been in two classes instead of my usual one. At first during this session, i was only taking Statistics. then my friend susan, was afraid that the Bible class she enrolled in would get cancelled, so to make it look like people wanted to take it, i enrolled too. Also the more hours i can rack up before next Spring, the easier it will be to remove my residence from harding to somewhere....OFF CAMPUS! so you see i had completely selfish reasons for taking this class.
This class was on the book of Ephesians.....which was also the basis of CSA first session this year. I think its haunting me......
ANYWAY, however excited i was to be taking just one more hour, i was excited to learn, it is indeed something i enjoy. this book had so much for me to learn, and has helped me understand so much more than that! i truly enjoyed taking this calss and all of the insights it offered. it was wonderful, i hope that other Bible courses I take will be just as "worth it"
13 July, 2008
Post # 124
Sometimes I wish that people could see how frustrated I am at myself and leave me be for a second.
i may not look fragile but that does not mean i do not want/deserve to be taken care of.
Summer is going ok. Right now Im sitting in an entirely too warm coffeeshop using their free internet b/c the stuff i "borrow" at my house is being lame. School is going well so far, i am starting a new class tomorrow on Ephesians! I am not working as much as i wish i could, but im looking for jobs on and off campus that dont require tooo much time/energy.....school and Oklahoma are going to take a LOT of time. Im going to make an appointment tomorrow to get my knee checked out- FINALLY! Its been a painfule few weeks for me.
Ive made a new friend and gotten closer to some older ones which is very nice. Im just sad that things will change so much when school starts again.
i wish this summer would slow down
i wish i had time to take a break
i wish i knew why im not sleeping
i wish i knew why i keep tearing up
i wish this didnt sound so EMO!
i may not look fragile but that does not mean i do not want/deserve to be taken care of.
Summer is going ok. Right now Im sitting in an entirely too warm coffeeshop using their free internet b/c the stuff i "borrow" at my house is being lame. School is going well so far, i am starting a new class tomorrow on Ephesians! I am not working as much as i wish i could, but im looking for jobs on and off campus that dont require tooo much time/energy.....school and Oklahoma are going to take a LOT of time. Im going to make an appointment tomorrow to get my knee checked out- FINALLY! Its been a painfule few weeks for me.
Ive made a new friend and gotten closer to some older ones which is very nice. Im just sad that things will change so much when school starts again.
i wish this summer would slow down
i wish i had time to take a break
i wish i knew why im not sleeping
i wish i knew why i keep tearing up
i wish this didnt sound so EMO!
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