I read 3 blog-ish posts today. The first was from a site called "to write love on her arms". Google it. It was about a comic-blogger who was struggling with depression. She had in fact drawn a HILARIOUS post about how it feels to feel sad for no fcuking reason whatsoever. A post I frequent because it makes me laugh because I can relate The second was this lady's response to the many "where are you" messages the interwebs were receiving on her behalf. Poor dear is struggling. She wrote her post on a good day and then got swallowed up with the bad. Thankfully, she pursued help and has a support system thats willing to put in work to help her. Lucky The third was a food blogger. Im not a devoted fan of many blogs at all, but this girl lost some major weight and didn't only eat cottage cheese and lemon water. She eats like a NORMAL person and it inspires me. So I hopped over there today. Come to find out, shes struggling with depression as well. When I was first diagnosed, I thought that I could just get better. Or ignore it and pretend to be better. I did the latter for so long. I was great at it. I wish I could do it again. But for some reason, things are different. The little things get me down. I would LOVE to solve this my own way, but thats no good. I would tell my besties but they are far away, busy with their own lives or don't understand. I rely on God (who is there, don't get me wrong) who is enough, but not physically here to give me a hug and not let go until I cry it out. Im not sure what the point of this post was but the fact that the things i read today pointed to what I was struggling with was too much to let fall into the "hmm, that was nice" corner of my mind. Somethings at work here I pray its good.

What God is doing lately

Ok, so He is doing a LOT all the time. There is no doubt about that. But lately he has been doing so much in my life. Most all of it deals with LOVE And not in the romantic way so don't even go there. God has been showing me SO MUCH that I am loved. And in the places where I didn't think it was. Or could be. He has shown me that people are pulling for me, that they want to see me succeed. That they pay attention and are willing to sacrifice for me, invite me places. This simply blows me away. I do not think myself deserving of such but for some strange reason, God does! He has put these people in my life for a reason, clearly. Thanks, God. I love you too!

Depression sucks. It doesnt hurt me but it sure messes up my life. Just because I can identify that I am feeling blue does't mean I can shake it, turn my frown upside down and be my "old self" again. However, because I can identify that I am feeling blue means that I can try harder to fix my thoughts, to be proactive and not let the depression win. So today I ate, tried to laugh and did my best to remove myself from sadness/let it happen and MOVE ON. If I let it win, if I sit and wallow in depression I end up falling into old habits. I was miserable back then. Here's hoping being proactive is the way to go!

Waiting part 2

Wait be patient be still pause rest. Rest assured that I have a plan. Stay. Stay here where I need you to be. abide expect. Expect that the promises I have made for you will come to fruition hold on remain save it. Save those emotions, that love. There IS something in the future. watch stick around. Stick around...watch what happens next! lie in wait anticipate. My plans are HUGE. Far larger than the ones you desire. Anticipate the bigger picture. Did you know that in Hebrew and Spanish, the word for wait is the same? (Spanish is espera)

Waiting.

There are many things I have been praying for. So many things my heart desires and I have asked...and quite literally BEGGED...God for.
I have a problem with desiring instant gratification.
I want to know the future now
I would like to know what Gods plans for me are
I want to have someone to love, and to love me in return

I want. I have. I. I. I. What a selfish, unthankful girl that I seem to be from all that! But thats not what I intended to write.

God told me to wait this weekend. Thats it. Wait.
Simple huh?
Did you read everything that I just wrote? Thats CLEARLY the opposite of simple to me. I REALLY had a hard time accepting that Saturday. It put me in a mood. It made me cry. And then I got to worship

Oh Im running to your arms, Im running to your arms. The riches of your love will always be enough. Nothing compares to your embrace. Light of the world forever reign!


Wait for the Lord whose day is near. Wait for the Lord. Be strong, take heart.

Whom you love, I'll love. Who you serve I'll serve in this life I live I will follow you!

After a night of worship like we had, I couldn't help but know that God was the absolute truth and that in the word "wait" was a promise.

Oh daughter, wait. Wait and do not hurry this gift of today. Tomorrows troubles will be numerous, don't rush them. Wait here where I have put you. There is a future for you. But here is where you need to stay. When the time is right. Until then, rest, pause, be content and wait. I never forget a promise.

I really wish the title of this post could be "Always a Bridesmaid, never the bride" but I just don't feel that way! I am so happy for friends who get engaged its crazy!
This weekend, I found out my lifelong friends Kristen and Jonathan got engaged. Those stinkers kept it to themselves for a whole WEEK! Kristen, sweet girl that she is, has asked me to be a bridesmaid! How exciting!

Cue the diet thoughts.
Cue the OBSESSIVE diet thoughts,

I have 279 days until their wedding. aka just over 39 weeks. Im setting some HIGH goals here and going for 1 pound a week. This is no joke. Ive already begun "better" habits simply for health reasons. Now I have a HUGE motivator-dont be the incredibly obese bridesmaid.

I love goals. I love making them. I SUCK at keeping up with them. Hopefully I can change this into a habit.

here goes

Well, October happened and I didnt Blog.
And the world didnt end haahaha!
But its November now. To some, its no-shave november, to others its Movember (in honor of Mens Health month). For me its Challenge Month.
Ive decided to challenge myself to a few things
1. Post a "thankful" post to facebook everyday
2. Do this really short workout everyday (in addition to walking with Bob)
3. Drastically cut down on how much fast food I eat each week (2x or less)
3. Drastically cut down on how many cokes I drink each week (3 or less)
4. Finally get my room clean. I've honestly been giving this a half-effort since September but its hard to keep up with. I also can see hoarder tendencies in the way/fact that Im NOT cleaning so this MUST end. And soon.

So these are my goals. Maybe they are pre-resolutions. Thats ok. Why wait for the new year?